the last time i had sex with him was on my birthday, on january 13th. since then i had sex once with someone other than him. that was one month ago. i thought if i fucked someone else, id get over him quicker. but it didn’t help at all. he’s always still on my mind. i can’t get passed making out with someone anymore because I’m just thinking about him. i have never been like this before… i used to be able to fuck anyone id please without any feelings of guilt or regret, i was always having sex.
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Anonymous asked: whose that one person you miss the most from your past?why
my mom. cause even though I haven’t had a good relationship with her since i was a really young girl, i still remember some of the good times we’ve had. and it kind of sucks not having a mother figure. not that my dads not a good enough father, cause he is. its just i wish i had a mom around who i could share shit with and have a bond with..
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i hate myself. i hate how i am. i hate how i look. i hate that my moods depend on one thing, one person, one guy who doesn’t even care about me. i annoy myself. i wouldn’t want to be my friend, or boyfriend. so i don’t blame everyone else. i know i get on everyones nerves. i know I’m weird and awkward. i know I’m fat and short and not the most attractive person ever. I’m aware of my flaws. and it kills me. all i want is ONE friend who actually cares, not just pretends to care. and ONE guy who can be my best friend and my boyfriend. who actually likes me for who i am, flaws and all. who will be able to just love me, and only me. and be completely okay with that. i dont want to be depressed anymore. i quit cutting 4 years ago because i was scared if someone saw my scars id be sent to the hospital again. come to think of it now though, i liked that place. i was away from everyone i knew, i had no way to communicate with anyone. no family. no friends. no boyfriends. i wouldn’t mind that. at least in there, i had no choice. and it was my own fault. in reality though, i still have no family no friends and no boyfriend… not by my own choice. you see why id prefer having no choice? also, I’m tired of people running their mouths about me. i know what I’ve done. I’ve made mistakes. many of them. I’m tired of hearing them through other people. yes i sucked his dick. yes we fucked. yes i smoked that. yes i drank this. its all fucking true. judge me. id say i don’t care.. but id be lying. i do care. i care about it all. and its tearing me apart. i don’t know what to do anymore……
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